Talking dirty in bed a guide to better communication: when, where, why, and how on dirty talk
Talking dirty during a fling is hot—and it’s so hot, that the phrase itself has become a cultural icon. Think about how many songs involve the phrase “talk dirty to me,” or how it’s become a mainstay among tropes involving lovemaking. Dirty talk in bed can make or break a major fling, so let’s talk about how you can get some horny conversation going.
First, why should you engage in dirty talk?
Dirty erotic talk is great for getting people in the mood—provided that you do it well. When you start erotic dirty talking, you actually help your partner feel more desired and encourage them to get excited about being with you.
When and where should you talk dirty to your partner?
If you want to get your partner turned on, it’s okay to do a little bit of dirty talk in and out of the bedroom. With that said, you should always try to match the dirty talk to the particular situation that you’re in. Let’s look at what we mean in three different situations:
Pro Tip—If your partner doesn’t seem to react well to your dirty chat, it’s best to drop it for the time being. There’s nothing worse than having someone trying to talk dirty to you when you’re just not in the mood.
How to talk dirty to your partner
There is a certain art of talking dirty to your partner that is both rare and coveted among lovers. These tips are divided between talking nasty to your partner during sex acts and talking flirty outside the bedroom.
Outside the bedroom
It’s important to gauge your partner’s interest in talking dirty outside the bedroom. Some people are going to get squicked out by it in public.
Subtle is the best bet—something as simple as saying you can’t wait to have alone time is a good move.
If you are both alone, ask your partner what turns them on in bed.
For phone sex and dirty chat online, don’t be afraid to get descriptive with what you want to do with your partner.
Always make sure to start subtle and gauge your partner’s reaction.
If your partner keeps changing the subject, drop it.
Pair dirty talk with a gentle stroke against their thigh or arm.
Inside the bedroom
When in doubt, moan and groan when you are enjoying yourself.
It’s okay to get kinky with your bedroom talk and call your partner naughty names, especially if you’re roleplaying in Dom/sub relationships.
Use your voice to guide your partner if they are having a hard time figuring things out. (“Ohhhh…Harder! Ohhh, a little more to the right! So good!”)
Compliment your partner. (“Baby, you look so beautiful when you’re naked like that.”)
Use roleplaying to give you ideas on how to talk dirty.
Remember that even talking dirty can require a safe word, so make sure to have a phrase that signals that you need to veer away from a topic.
If you’re unsure how to talk dirty to your wife, girlfriend, or partner, you might want to read some erotica. It’s great for getting interesting dialogue ideas.
What should you avoid when you’re trying to talk nasty to your partner?
Generally speaking, you don’t want to go in already talking about what you want them to do to you—especially if you’re in public or if you aren’t used to talking dirty. Moreover, you may want to sit down with a partner and actively learn about one another’s kinks.
Most people tend to forget that what you find attractive may not be sexy for them. So, always try to make sure that what you’re saying doesn’t freak them out. A safe word can help slow things down.
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